5 weeks remaining. Even though my gut tells me that I will deliver early, I asked the doctor how long past my due date she will let me go. I know most women tend to go past their due date for their first child. She answered 7 days. So Levi will be here by July 9th!
The nursery is pretty much ready. We got our changing pad this past week. That was the last missing piece that we needed to be ready. There always seems to be more to organize in the nursery though. I think it is more excitement that he will be here soon than any real need to move and organize the diapers yet again.
I have moved into a new phase of pregnancy now. While I am still anxious about how well I will cope with the pain of labor, I am beginning to feel more and more uncomfortable as the days go on. And I think perhaps labor won't be so bad if it means Levi will be here in a matter of hours instead of weeks. I am in daily pain from Levi putting his foot/feet on my ribs and stretching, thus pushing ribs in a direction they were never meant to go. There are times when I am ready to sit down and weep because that pain comes day after day, while not constant it is frequent and searing. If I lay on my right side, I am guaranteed to wake in a few minutes, with that searing pain in my ribs. So now I can only sleep on my left side or my back, when my left side gets sore. I know you are not supposed to lay on your back but I am propped up on a wedge to near sitting position. I had done that for heartburn, which is much better now that my dr. gave me an acid blocker medicine. I am learning to use pillows as lumbar support for my back. I am also learning that chairs with no cushion are murder on my back.
I suspect that Levi has "dropped" now. I used to have a belly shelf and now my belly is a little more sloping. I can no longer cross my legs because my belly is down too low. Over the weekend I have again felt muscles and tendons pulling, stretching and cramping because of the shift. I have felt perineal cramping and worried that I was in the super early stages of labor. Now I think he was just dropping into the pelvic area.
I often think of a friend who was pregnant as a teenager. She hid it from everyone and didn't have prenatal care. This was also before the days of internet. I wonder how did she cope with all these strange feelings and almost no one to talk to or ask questions? (The father was out of the picture.)
People have asked me, "Oh don't you just LOVE being pregnant!" While I am so very thankful that God has blessed us with a baby of our own, I do not love being pregnant. I feel like I have no control over my own body. I worry at every little twinge. Should I call the doctor? Should I mention it to her? Is this normal? Am I over reacting? What if I am under reacting and something is wrong? something I could prevent if only I told the doctor?
Now I am beginning to hear stories of women who have delivered with 5 weeks to go. In the last week I have heard about 5 stories like this...I tell them I have 5 weeks left and they tell me "Oh I knew a lady who delivered that early and the baby was in the NICU for X number of weeks for this problem and that." Oh God! Not another thing to worry about, PLEASE! I am trying to keep Matthew 6 in mind. Paraphrase: Who by worrying can add a single day to their lives? With God's help I will get through this.
I feel like a wretched, ungrateful person for complaining so much. However, the alternative is to smile and pretend, I am not scared, in pain, worried. I can pretend that I know what I am doing and understand all these strange feelings. All that would be a lie.
Truthfully, I lack a blind trust in God that all will be well. My life has taught me that God is always with me, even when I stray from Him. However, I also know that God has never promised me a perfect life, a life without struggles. I, like many, fear the unknown. God please give me courage.
The good thing is that so far all the sonograms have shown a healthy baby boy. Normal weight and size. He continues to move frequently. With the exception of his feet in my ribs, he is a very gentle boy. He doesn't kick so much as stretch. Last night I think I felt his elbow. I am more frequently able to tell which way he is laying. Although I have a hard time figuring out which end is his head and which is his bum!
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