This week I will celebrate my first Mother's Day as an expectant mother. First I want to know: Does that really count? I haven't gone through the rites of passage (labor) yet, but in a mere 8 weeks I will. I can't believe one, there are only 4 weeks of school left and two, I only have 8 weeks (give or take a few weeks) until our son will be here. That sound so strange, OUR SON! I can't begin to express how excited I feel on the inside. I have bottled up most of my excitement for many months because I was afraid that something would happen. I was afraid that this miracle was too good to be true and it would be taken from me. Now, even if I go into early labor, he has a 90% chance of survival at this point. I feel safer letting myself get excited about it all.
I sense more personality in his kicks. He is a gentle boy for the most part, except when he props his feet up on my ribs and leaves them there all afternoon. He gets his stubbornness from his momma. : ) I am so very thankful that for the most part he sleeps well at night. At the baby classes they say that his sleep patterns in the womb tend to continue after they are born. That is encouraging. Maybe he will be like my sister's 2 children that always sleep well at night.
I feel old! Today at work we were trying to figure out a student's behavior difference towards me versus another teacher. We decided that I am older and that was the difference in the student's mind. Ugh!
Speaking of students, the girls in my class are fascinated with Levi. Some of them touched my belly at one point to try and feel him move. He has been more responsive to touch lately. Well, he danced a jig for them! They squealed with excitement. Fun times!
May 6, 2011
May 2, 2011
Struggling with Forgiveness
In Matthew 6 it says that we must forgive in order to be forgiven. I can usually do that somewhat easily with people who have wronged me. (Given enough time of course)
Osama Bin Laden never wronged me personally, but I have a hard time forgiving him for what he did to so many people. I didn't lose anyone that I know on 9/11 but I know that I can't imagine how much pain he caused people who did lose a loved one. I can't help being glad that Bin Laden can never hurt another person or family again. I am not sorry he is dead. Yet I am not throwing a party either.
I saw a post on Facebook that posed an interesting thought. How does God feel about all this. I certainly don't think He is celebrating. I imagine that He is sad that another soul has been lost.
Other people are talking about justice. I think true justice for someone like him would have been less merciful than a bullet through the head. That is why I am glad to leave it to God to do the judging, punishing and rewarding. I just pray that God is more merciful with me and my hard, unforgiving heart, than I am towards people who destroy the lives of so many.
I must also say that I am so very proud of all our military men and women who risk their lives to make my life better. They are better, braver people than I ever will be! May God bless them and keep them safe!
A friend of mine posted this quote, which sums up my feelings pretty well.
"It is God who avenges me. He delivers me from my enemies. You also lift me up against those who rise against me; You have delivered me from a violent man. Therefore I will give thanks to You, O Lord, among the Gentiles, and sing praises to Your name." Psalm 18:47-50
Osama Bin Laden never wronged me personally, but I have a hard time forgiving him for what he did to so many people. I didn't lose anyone that I know on 9/11 but I know that I can't imagine how much pain he caused people who did lose a loved one. I can't help being glad that Bin Laden can never hurt another person or family again. I am not sorry he is dead. Yet I am not throwing a party either.
I saw a post on Facebook that posed an interesting thought. How does God feel about all this. I certainly don't think He is celebrating. I imagine that He is sad that another soul has been lost.
Other people are talking about justice. I think true justice for someone like him would have been less merciful than a bullet through the head. That is why I am glad to leave it to God to do the judging, punishing and rewarding. I just pray that God is more merciful with me and my hard, unforgiving heart, than I am towards people who destroy the lives of so many.
I must also say that I am so very proud of all our military men and women who risk their lives to make my life better. They are better, braver people than I ever will be! May God bless them and keep them safe!
A friend of mine posted this quote, which sums up my feelings pretty well.
"It is God who avenges me. He delivers me from my enemies. You also lift me up against those who rise against me; You have delivered me from a violent man. Therefore I will give thanks to You, O Lord, among the Gentiles, and sing praises to Your name." Psalm 18:47-50
April 1, 2011
26 1/2 Weeks
Here is my little boy! In this picture he has one hand up by his forehead and one on his chest.
We have decided to name him Levi William Herrera. The sonographer says that he weighs about 2 pounds now. All his measurements are in the normal range. The sonographer tried to get a good view of his boy parts but he was being shy yesterday. She saw enough that she could confirm again that he is a boy, but it was too brief for Jesse and I to see for ourselves.
Levi's room is coming along now. We got the rocking chair moved into his nursery tonight. It may not be the chair we ordered though. I thought the back was high enough to lay my head back on the one we ordered. This one is not that tall though. I don't want to have to move it out of the room though so we'll have to see. The room was painted, by Jesse, a few weeks ago. We have the dresser put together and loaded with Benjamin's hand-me-down clothes. Yep, Levi will not go naked!
I just ate a cantaloupe for the first time while pregnant with Levi. I don't know if he loves it or hates it but he is wiggling around like you wouldn't believe!
On Mourning and Stepping out of the Boat
This has been quite the stressful week. In Texas education this week, we have been faced with the consequences of the state's budget cuts. The number of teachers and staff in my district have been laid off in the hundreds. Most of us are mourning the loss of their job or mourning for a friend who has lost their job. Many are dreading the increased workload we face next year and our inability to give each child the attention they deserve. So far, my job is safe. But I grieve the fact that I will miss my coworkers who have been laid off. I grieve the fact that so many wonderful, hard working people are now looking for employment elsewhere. (I am angry when I hear about the role that politics played in the decision making, but that is a topic for another day...and not for this venue.)
So my pregnancy hormones kick in on top of all that, and I have become a blubbering mess. I was talking to some friends. Talking, crying and journaling are how I work through my emotions, although not always in that order and not all at the same time. Anyhow, my friends, in attempt to console me, very kindly remind me that God has a plan for everyone and He will take care of them. I know this is true, because I have experienced it myself.
Last year, I perceived that God was wrenching me away from my work family and dropping me into the unknown...a different school. "How awful," I bemoaned. I wept and wept about it. Come to find out, God had placed me in a new place, more wonderful than I had imagined!
So you can see, I know this in my heart that God will care for us. It may not always be in ways we expect. God never promised it would be painless or that we would not cry over those painful parts.
Matthew 26:37-38 says, "[Jesus] took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled."
And in John 11:35 it says, "Jesus wept." When Mary told Him about Lazarus' death and how if Jesus had been there he could have prevented his death.
If Jesus can weep for His friend's anguish, then so can I! It reminds me that mourning something is not the same as lacking faith in and trust in God.
Not that I have a great deal of faith in comparison to others. I truly wish that I could face the unknown (such as layoffs) like Peter stepping out of the boat onto water. And he was said to have little faith. What does that say about me? I need God's help. God tells us many places in the Bible not to worry and not to be afraid.
I have been a Christian all my life and the faith some people have (that brave lack of worry) seems beyond my reach. They say, "I am not worried about the layoffs because I know God will care for me no matter what."
I wonder, "How did they find that kind of faith?"
I also wonder, "Is it a mask they wear to hide their doubt?" If I have been a Christian for thirty something years and I have these questions, what must an outsider or new Christian think? Part of me knows, has be taught, that the goal of showing this kind of faith is to make people wonder and desire the source of that faith, God. But the cynical side of me says that if I doubt the authenticity or attainability of the worry-free or fear-free life, how much more so would a non-believer doubt it and be turned off by this seemingly unattainable life? Perhaps this is just my selfish jealousy dismissing a challenging goal that I should strive for. I do wish desperately for it, but I am not sure how I can get from the where I am now, to where my worry-free friends are standing. Emotions like worry can't just be dismissed in the blink of an eye. I can't even seem to command them to go away. How does one go about doing that? Prayer for God's help, I suppose? I just don't know what else to do about it except, go to God in prayer.
Well, I think I have ranted enough for today. (I think I need to give myself a writing lesson on focus.)
So my pregnancy hormones kick in on top of all that, and I have become a blubbering mess. I was talking to some friends. Talking, crying and journaling are how I work through my emotions, although not always in that order and not all at the same time. Anyhow, my friends, in attempt to console me, very kindly remind me that God has a plan for everyone and He will take care of them. I know this is true, because I have experienced it myself.
Last year, I perceived that God was wrenching me away from my work family and dropping me into the unknown...a different school. "How awful," I bemoaned. I wept and wept about it. Come to find out, God had placed me in a new place, more wonderful than I had imagined!
So you can see, I know this in my heart that God will care for us. It may not always be in ways we expect. God never promised it would be painless or that we would not cry over those painful parts.
Matthew 26:37-38 says, "[Jesus] took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled."
And in John 11:35 it says, "Jesus wept." When Mary told Him about Lazarus' death and how if Jesus had been there he could have prevented his death.
If Jesus can weep for His friend's anguish, then so can I! It reminds me that mourning something is not the same as lacking faith in and trust in God.
Not that I have a great deal of faith in comparison to others. I truly wish that I could face the unknown (such as layoffs) like Peter stepping out of the boat onto water. And he was said to have little faith. What does that say about me? I need God's help. God tells us many places in the Bible not to worry and not to be afraid.
I have been a Christian all my life and the faith some people have (that brave lack of worry) seems beyond my reach. They say, "I am not worried about the layoffs because I know God will care for me no matter what."
I wonder, "How did they find that kind of faith?"
I also wonder, "Is it a mask they wear to hide their doubt?" If I have been a Christian for thirty something years and I have these questions, what must an outsider or new Christian think? Part of me knows, has be taught, that the goal of showing this kind of faith is to make people wonder and desire the source of that faith, God. But the cynical side of me says that if I doubt the authenticity or attainability of the worry-free or fear-free life, how much more so would a non-believer doubt it and be turned off by this seemingly unattainable life? Perhaps this is just my selfish jealousy dismissing a challenging goal that I should strive for. I do wish desperately for it, but I am not sure how I can get from the where I am now, to where my worry-free friends are standing. Emotions like worry can't just be dismissed in the blink of an eye. I can't even seem to command them to go away. How does one go about doing that? Prayer for God's help, I suppose? I just don't know what else to do about it except, go to God in prayer.
Well, I think I have ranted enough for today. (I think I need to give myself a writing lesson on focus.)
March 27, 2011
Arboretum 2011
We took a trip to the Dallas Arboretum last weekend. I wanted to go see all the flowers during the spring.
Plus they were having an Art Festival. Nancy Medina is an amazing artist whose blog I follow; she had a booth there. I went to be able to meet her and see her work in person. One day (when money is not so tight and jobs are not in limbo) I will buy one of her flower paintings for our living room. I adore her style!
Lastly we went to take maternity pictures of Jesse and I, while I small enough that I was still able to walk around.
This is a snippet of all the tulips and people that were EVERYWHERE!
I don't remember what these were called but they were pretty.
These are a variety of tulips! I wish I knew where I could buy this variety.
Looks like Easter to me!
I think I will have to get this photo printed and framed for my living room wall.
I love the shade of peach and pink here.
Star shaped tulips.
These cherry blossom trees were snowing flower petals everywhere!
My sister was kind enough to be our photographer for those pictures. (Jesse and I took all the other photos.)
For this picture there was a photographer that kept telling the child she was photographing to move into our shot. How RUDE. I cropped the child out of the picture.
This is Elizabeth (2 1/2yrs old)
Here we have Benjamin (9 months old) and Liz.
I have no idea what this face was all about but I caught it. Isn't that the cutest face ever!
I love how Ben is looking up at his big sister.
I don't know how many miles we walked but it was fun!
March 4, 2011
"A Legacy of Stitches" Poem
This poem was on a blog that I follow. Sandra Anderson is the author of the blog and this poem. (I received permission from her to post this on my blog. I have also included a link to her post if you want to see her amazing quilts!)
Anyhow, she perfectly stated in this poem why I became so fascinated with quilting and became a quilter.
Anyhow, she perfectly stated in this poem why I became so fascinated with quilting and became a quilter.
A LEGACY OF STITCHES
February 27, 2011
A Legacy
I read a poem today that perfectly states a lot of my thoughts and feelings about quilts and quilting. It reminded me of all the quilts on my quilting journey. My "About Me" tab tells about how I became a quilter.
After I had done a few quilts, I learned of the existence of this quilt. My grandparents gave this to me because they knew that I would value it as it deserved.
I have always wondered what her life was like as she made it. Because of that question in my mind, I journaled in a notebook about my first quilts and included pictures. Perhaps over the next few weeks I can share the highlights of those quilts. I'll also look up my great great grandmother's name and add it here later.
This picture is actually sideways.The bottom of the picture is the left side of the quilt. The left side of the picture is where the pillows would go on the bed.
The 3 rings have F,L,T. I believe my grandmother told me it was a religious organization for women. It stands for Faith, Love and Truth. (I think.)
Below the bird and to the left, in gold thread, it says '85. She began quilting this in 1885.
I have no idea what JW stands for. No one in our family has these initials. Perhaps she had a crush on JW?
She finished the quilt when she was 21 years old.
I have looked at this quilt for many years and never noticed the letter A here, until tonight.
You can barely see, in cream thread, along the left edge, 1886 is embroidered. This is the year she finished the quilt. It amazes me that she did all this hand work in one or two years!
This name looks machine stitched. My Grandmother's name was Mary Alice. I assume this was added at a later date to cover a hole or thin spot. Now, sadly, there are many threadbare spots where there once was a brownish looking silk.
 |
| 1886 Crazy quilt made by my great great grandmother |
 |
| '85 |
Below the bird and to the left, in gold thread, it says '85. She began quilting this in 1885.
 |
| JW |
 |
| 21 |
 |
| swan |
 |
| 1886 |
 |
| Alice |
February 26, 2011
What if...
Each day that passes, I feel Jr. more strongly. I haven't felt him jab me in the ribs yet. I have felt him shift and sit on my bladder though and suddenly I don't know if I am going to make it to the restroom on time! If I have my hand on my belly when he moves I can see him push my hand out. It is so cool, yet so weird and alien to me. Every day it becomes more and more real; Jesse and I are going to be parents! UGH! I feel old.
If you know me, you know that I like to plan and I am a worrier. (Thanks Nana for the worrying gene!) During the week I feel ok. I go to work. I teach the best I can. I go home. Think about how to solve work problems or just veg in front of the TV, too tired to think of anything. Then Saturday comes. There is so much to do before Jr. comes to get ready for him and projects I want to get done, knowing I won't have much time after he comes. So on Saturdays we do what we can to get ready for Jr. like buy paint for the nursery. (no VOC! yea!) I also do a lot of sating my appetite for things like crepes, that I don't have time for during the week. But worst of all...I have time to think. I hate it when I have time to think.
What if I am put on bed-rest before school is out?
What if we are not ready?
What if something goes wrong during delivery day?
What if my RLS symptoms don't go back to a tolerable level after Jr comes?
Which I wonder if this is the cause of my anxiousness today, RLS? My legs feel crawly and I feel anxious beyond my normal worrying. I wonder what the neurologist will say about that when I see him in a couple weeks to be officially diagnosed. Probably that I am a nut case, and I need to see a different kind of head doctor! : )
Anyhow, I know I need to quit worrying and listen to my own advise. My students at the beginning of the year, usually try to get me off topic by asking "What if" questions.
Now they were not questions like, "What if I arranged the sentence thusly?" (Creative, exploring What ifs are things to celebrate in my room!)
No, they were questions like, "What if there was a fire and our homework burned up? Would we still get a 0?" "What if we leave the last 3 lines of the page blank? Is that enough?" (Testing limits) If I let them, they would ask them till the cows come home! So a few years ago, I made a rule, "No what if questions." The kids know it so well that I don't even have to say the rule anymore. Because I teach ESL, sometimes I have some of the same kids 2 years in a row. So the ones that had me the previous year will tell the student that asked the what if question. "NO WHAT IF QUESTIONS! She doesn't like them." They try to rephrase the question without the words what if but I just say that it is a what if question in disguise. It sounds very un-teacher-ish of me to limit a question, but those types of what if questions don't serve much purpose. So...I need to take my own advise..."NO WHAT IF QUESTIONS!"
To bad it is easier said than done.
If you know me, you know that I like to plan and I am a worrier. (Thanks Nana for the worrying gene!) During the week I feel ok. I go to work. I teach the best I can. I go home. Think about how to solve work problems or just veg in front of the TV, too tired to think of anything. Then Saturday comes. There is so much to do before Jr. comes to get ready for him and projects I want to get done, knowing I won't have much time after he comes. So on Saturdays we do what we can to get ready for Jr. like buy paint for the nursery. (no VOC! yea!) I also do a lot of sating my appetite for things like crepes, that I don't have time for during the week. But worst of all...I have time to think. I hate it when I have time to think.
What if I am put on bed-rest before school is out?
What if we are not ready?
What if something goes wrong during delivery day?
What if my RLS symptoms don't go back to a tolerable level after Jr comes?
Which I wonder if this is the cause of my anxiousness today, RLS? My legs feel crawly and I feel anxious beyond my normal worrying. I wonder what the neurologist will say about that when I see him in a couple weeks to be officially diagnosed. Probably that I am a nut case, and I need to see a different kind of head doctor! : )
Anyhow, I know I need to quit worrying and listen to my own advise. My students at the beginning of the year, usually try to get me off topic by asking "What if" questions.
Now they were not questions like, "What if I arranged the sentence thusly?" (Creative, exploring What ifs are things to celebrate in my room!)
No, they were questions like, "What if there was a fire and our homework burned up? Would we still get a 0?" "What if we leave the last 3 lines of the page blank? Is that enough?" (Testing limits) If I let them, they would ask them till the cows come home! So a few years ago, I made a rule, "No what if questions." The kids know it so well that I don't even have to say the rule anymore. Because I teach ESL, sometimes I have some of the same kids 2 years in a row. So the ones that had me the previous year will tell the student that asked the what if question. "NO WHAT IF QUESTIONS! She doesn't like them." They try to rephrase the question without the words what if but I just say that it is a what if question in disguise. It sounds very un-teacher-ish of me to limit a question, but those types of what if questions don't serve much purpose. So...I need to take my own advise..."NO WHAT IF QUESTIONS!"
To bad it is easier said than done.
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