35 weeks- possible TMI alert

5 weeks remaining. Even though my gut tells me that I will deliver early, I asked the doctor how long past my due date she will let me go. I know most women tend to go past their due date for their first child. She answered 7 days. So Levi will be here by July 9th!
The nursery is pretty much ready. We got our changing pad this past week. That was the last missing piece that we needed to be ready. There always seems to be more to organize in the nursery though. I think it is more excitement that he will be here soon than any real need to move and organize the diapers yet again.
I have moved into a new phase of pregnancy now. While I am still anxious about how well I will cope with the pain of labor, I am beginning to feel more and more uncomfortable as the days go on. And I think perhaps labor won't be so bad if it means Levi will be here in a matter of hours instead of weeks. I am in daily pain from Levi putting his foot/feet on my ribs and stretching, thus pushing ribs in a direction they were never meant to go. There are times when I am ready to sit down and weep because that pain comes day after day, while not constant it is frequent and searing. If I lay on my right side, I am guaranteed to wake in a few minutes, with that searing pain in my ribs. So now I can only sleep on my left side or my back, when my left side gets sore. I know you are not supposed to lay on your back but I am propped up on a wedge to near sitting position. I had done that for heartburn, which is much better now that my dr. gave me an acid blocker medicine. I am learning to use pillows as lumbar support for my back. I am also learning that chairs with no cushion are murder on my back.
I suspect that Levi has "dropped" now. I used to have a belly shelf and now my belly is a little more sloping. I can no longer cross my legs because my belly is down too low. Over the weekend I have again felt muscles and tendons pulling, stretching and cramping because of the shift. I have felt perineal cramping and worried that I was in the super early stages of labor. Now I think he was just dropping into the pelvic area.
I often think of a friend who was pregnant as a teenager. She hid it from everyone and didn't have prenatal care. This was also before the days of internet. I wonder how did she cope with all these strange feelings and almost no one to talk to or ask questions? (The father was out of the picture.)
People have asked me, "Oh don't you just LOVE being pregnant!" While I am so very thankful that God has blessed us with a baby of our own, I do not love being pregnant. I feel like I have no control over my own body. I worry at every little twinge. Should I call the doctor? Should I mention it to her? Is this normal? Am I over reacting? What if I am under reacting and something is wrong? something I could prevent if only I told the doctor?
Now I am beginning to hear stories of women who have delivered with 5 weeks to go. In the last week I have heard about 5 stories like this...I tell them I have 5 weeks left and they tell me "Oh I knew a lady who delivered that early and the baby was in the NICU for X number of weeks for this problem and that." Oh God! Not another thing to worry about, PLEASE! I am trying to keep Matthew 6 in mind. Paraphrase: Who by worrying can add a single day to their lives? With God's help I will get through this.
I feel like a wretched, ungrateful person for complaining so much. However, the alternative is to smile and pretend, I am not scared, in pain, worried. I can pretend that I know what I am doing and understand all these strange feelings. All that would be a lie.
Truthfully, I lack a blind trust in God that all will be well. My life has taught me that God is always with me, even when I stray from Him. However, I also know that God has never promised me a perfect life, a life without struggles. I, like many, fear the unknown. God please give me courage.

The good thing is that so far all the sonograms have shown a healthy baby boy. Normal weight and size. He continues to move frequently. With the exception of his feet in my ribs, he is a very gentle boy. He doesn't kick so much as stretch. Last night I think I felt his elbow. I am more frequently able to tell which way he is laying. Although I have a hard time figuring out which end is his head and which is his bum!

10 inches gone!

 I finally got tired of my long hair and decided to chop it off! Now I won't have to spend 20 minutes trying, unsuccessfully, to flat iron all the waves out. Now it will only take 10 minutes or I can diffuse it. Besides soon I will more important things to worry about.

The lady actually styled my hair so that it curled under, but my hair has changed its mind and decided to flip out instead. Figures!!! Oh well I can deal with that. Besides I will probably diffuse it more often than not. 

Here is my mugshot! 

T-Shirt Quilt Finished

At long last I finished making the t-shirt quilt I had been working on! Here are the pictures:

Please excuse the school desks hanging over into the pictures.

I never knew that sororities had so many shirts. This quilt was much more massive in size than I thought it would be. So for some of the shirts I cut them down to half as tall and staggered them down the quilt.  

 My mom made the label for me to put on the back of the quilt.

 Each "patch" is sewn on with a different stitch design. 

 The quilting is not perfect, but it'll do. I am pleased with it since this is only the 4th or 5th quilt I have used the long arm to quilt. I usually have a hard time with the tension but I slowed down a bit and the tension did fine for this quilt. Yea, since this was for a customer rather than myself.

WHAT IS NEXT?

So now my next quilt is...wait let me rephrase that...My next quilts are: a Winnie the Pooh cheater cloth quilt for Levi that I am machine quilting. Cheating ALL THE WAY BABY! And I am piecing a red, white and blue quilt for Levi. This one I think I will hand quilt, so I know it won't be finished until his 2nd or 3rd birthday. Probably just in time for him to move into his big-boy room across the hall.

34 Weeks

As of today I am 34 weeks pregnant, only 6 weeks to go! I can't believe it.

Jesse and I went for a sonogram yesterday. Levi looks good. They confirmed again he is a boy; Jesse and I saw for ourselves as well this time. They also saw that he has hair on the back of his head! I can't believe that they can see that on a sono! We asked if it was red hair and they said technology is not quite that advanced yet. ; )

Levi is approximately 5 lbs now and if gains an average amount of weight from now till 40 wks, he should be an 8 lb baby! I hope that is true.

Since yesterday was my birthday and I am now 35 years old, the doctor told me that I am now considered a high risk pregnancy! So now I am going to the doctor weekly to be hooked up to the fetal monitor. It doesn't really bother me that I'm high risk now. It is just strange how last week I had a normal pregnancy, but this week I'm not, and the baby is fine. I am glad they will be watching closely from here on out. I do feel a bit old now though.

Last week Jesse's school had a baby shower for us. Here is a picture of all the goodies that we got!

 They all signed one of the books too!

Laura came over today to help me decorate the nursery. I stink at such things and she is awesome at it, so it worked out perfectly!

This is the closet door with his name above it.

Jesse and I found some Classic Winnie the Pooh decals for the wall. Laura and I had so much fun because it was like playing with the old Cling-on thing-a-ma-deals. I forget what they were called but it was a 80's paper doll thing.

Here is the crib with a storage unit next to it. I'm loving the cube things! We actually had to go back to the store and buy another cube unit to go in the room because they are such great storage.

We actually have Piglet also but we have not finished decorating that wall yet so that picture will come later. Jesse found the coolest 100 acre woods map decal that we are going to order online and hang above the dresser. 

Oh and we could not resist buying a pkg of these limited editions diapers! How cute are they!

First Mother's Day?

 This week I will celebrate my first Mother's Day as an expectant mother. First I want to know: Does that really count? I haven't gone through the rites of passage (labor) yet, but in a mere 8 weeks I will. I can't believe one, there are only 4 weeks of school left and two, I only have 8 weeks (give or take a few weeks) until our son will be here. That sound so strange, OUR SON! I can't begin to express how excited I feel on the inside. I have bottled up most of my excitement for many months because I was afraid that something would happen. I was afraid that this miracle was too good to be true and it would be taken from me. Now, even if I go into early labor, he has a 90% chance of survival at this point. I feel safer letting myself get excited about it all.
I sense more personality in his kicks. He is a gentle boy for the most part, except when he props his feet up on my ribs and leaves them there all afternoon. He gets his stubbornness from his momma. : )  I am so very thankful that for the most part he sleeps well at night. At the baby classes they say that his sleep patterns in the womb tend to continue after they are born. That is encouraging. Maybe he will be like my sister's 2 children that always sleep well at night.

I feel old! Today at work we were trying to figure out a student's behavior difference towards me versus another teacher. We decided that I am older and that was the difference in the student's mind. Ugh!
Speaking of students, the girls in my class are fascinated with Levi. Some of them touched my belly at one point to try and feel him move. He has been more responsive to touch lately. Well, he danced a jig for them! They squealed with excitement. Fun times!

Struggling with Forgiveness

In Matthew 6 it says that we must forgive in order to be forgiven. I can usually do that somewhat easily with people who have wronged me. (Given enough time of course)
Osama Bin Laden never wronged me personally, but I have a hard time forgiving him for what he did to so many people. I didn't lose anyone that I know on 9/11 but I know that I can't imagine how much pain he caused people who did lose a loved one. I can't help being glad that Bin Laden can never hurt another person or family again. I am not sorry he is dead. Yet I am not throwing a party either.
I saw a post on Facebook that posed an interesting thought. How does God feel about all this. I certainly don't think He is celebrating. I imagine that He is sad that another soul has been lost.
Other people are talking about justice. I think true justice for someone like him would have been less merciful than a bullet through the head. That is why I am glad to leave it to God to do the judging, punishing and rewarding. I just pray that God is more merciful with me and my hard, unforgiving heart, than I am towards people who destroy the lives of so many.

I must also say that I am so very proud of all our military men and women who risk their lives to make my life better. They are better, braver people than I ever will be! May God bless them and keep them safe!

A friend of mine posted this quote, which sums up my feelings pretty well.
"It is God who avenges me. He delivers me from my enemies. You also lift me up against those who rise against me; You have delivered me from a violent man. Therefore I will give thanks to You, O Lord, among the Gentiles, and sing praises to Your name." Psalm 18:47-50